It's funny how parents, teachers and moral education textbooks spend years telling us, "Oh, you have to be polite to others because... well, because it's a nice thing to do," then we'll feel so proud when we're being praised for being polite, thinking that we're really nice people who put others before ourselves.

But wait a second.

When you de-construct the entire concept of politeness and examine its purpose, there are really lots of self-serving reasons involved amidst all the 'niceness'.

To have a better public image. To maintain harmonious relationships with others. To feel less guilty when imposing on others. To feel good about oneself. To protect ourselves by minimizing potential negative reactions from people we care about. To elicit positive reactions from others in return. The list goes on...

Looking at it this way, politeness is indeed a series of strategies which we employ constantly, sometimes without even noticing the reasons why we say these things in the first place. It's the way societies have evolved and it usually serves a good function, although politeness might be expressed in drastically different ways in different cultures.

I doubt there's any culture with absolutely no politeness in their language and interaction patterns. Evolution would have killed them, no?

Imagine if all men are incredibly impolite to women - surely females will be reluctant to settle down with any guy, and the human race will face the risk of extinction! (Of course there are crude and insensitive guys who still manage to find girls, for some unknown mysterious reasons.)

So, let's apply what we've learned!

Q: Would you still love me if I'm fat?

A: Of course, you're a... huge presence in my life.

On a side note, people with certain personalities do get away with being impolite - I get amused by those who are chronically sarcastic in a smart, witty way. Then again, maybe it's just me. Because I feel that in some situations, it's better to be straightforward than to be overly-polite when you don't mean it. It's hinging on being hypocritical, isn't it?